Thankfully

Sometimes I can feel my soul absent from its room,

It sneaks out its bedroom window without mind to obscure its escape,

It runs away once a year and opens up my mind to unspeakable things,

Like devils on Halloween,

Or people on the Purge,

And it’s those violent urges that purposes the Holy Trinity of mind, heart, and soul because if it was up to one alone I’d be reaping every bad deed my troubled mind has sown.

Every inconvenience inflicted by another person, every sly comment mumbled under the breath, every unspoken assumption demonstrated with their actions would boil the red in my veins,

Every discomfort, every single cause of pain,

Every heartbreaking, every healthy relationship another person refused to sustain; would end in big violence,

So now when I notice my soul has left, I just impatiently wait for it to come back; sitting in silence.

Tho…ght

Disembodied voice, all you jokes are cries for help,

In the center of my room, your voice stands on my nerves…unwavering and repetitive,

Asking for a peace that I cannot give you,

Your clock ticks as you contemplate the potential errors in your approach and I watch as you evaluate,

Bituminous lump coal burns, your invisible ears smoke; you lose your train of thought and I wait.

Your voice stands firmly on my nerves, in the center of my room; unwavering,

Asking for a peace that I cannot give you…because I don’t have it myself.

Now Life

It was the same color as Hell,

Or at least I think it was,

It would wait for me to close my eyes to stare me dead in my face…loosely hanging from my fragmented memories bolted strongly into the ceiling,

I would fear the fruit of my actions would drop and break the skewed bones of my tired face,

My smiles no longer weighed the same as my frowns so whenever I would smile I would picture myself sleeping upside down…my feet to my headboard and my footboard to my crown,

It would just stare…for hours…quietly reminding me of my proximity to my memories,

Tears…drink, spirits no longer liquid remedies,

It’s mouth would open wide…freakishly, ghoulishly wide, I felt the blackness of its hole begin to consume my better parts-

Gently pulling the skin from my bones,

My perfections were eaten as I laid back in a mess,

A mess of lethal notions that spun the gun every time I thought,

In my head, to my head, people broken, past relationships, past actions, present people’re glued together fractions of unintended, unwondered conversations that kept to themselves.

I, regret. I regret my coldest comment and my warmest touch, I regret the thought-out and unthinkable, I regret so much its pillow could smoother me in the pointy bed I lay me head in, I can feel it reaching me now…it’s almost 4am and I can feel the demon’s blade in my gut cutting out the last good I have left in me so I can hang above other’s bed as they try to get a good night’s sleep.

I am now life…looking her dead in her face.