Infection

I do not think I am prepared for an easy resolution,

I connect problems with complication,

I’ve come to learn that my overactive imagination creates numerous faulty half-assed solutions.

It’s simply misunderstood situations disguised as gut-wrenching plights having me staring at the jet black ceiling in the middle of the night-

Instead of sleeping,

Sometimes I can feel my irrational thoughts creeping up the side of my leg,

And digging holes in my not so whole bed,

I’ll lay on cottage cheese and wake up incomplete,

With the dumbass feeling of unfounded contrition for made up expectations I couldn’t meet.

 

I will wake and stare in the mirror counting the loose strands of my beard to get my mind off the issue,

I would then start picking at the hair, it would bleed a little but somehow get blood everywhere and then I’ll clean it up with toilet tissue,

If you’ve ever cleaned blood from white it does this smear thing that turns the sink pink,

but I left it and carried my virus to work in hopes of infecting my peers with this undefined thinking disease,

The “I can’t stop rapidly blinking disease”,

Like photo copying textbook pages of anxiety with every blink,

I will lasso my peers front heir high horses and they will crumble on the ground,

As I explain my dilemma and watch their smiles contort into frowns,

I am granting them fog and gifting them with confusion about hypothetical problems that technically don’t exist,

I give them a little kiss on their cheeks and send them on their way,

With life-siphoning information that’ll suck the joy right outta their day.

 

I am not required to ask for forgiveness for my actions,

Or their reactions to the stimulus,

I have a criminal’s mind plagued with paranoia and expectations of forever failure…when in fact, failure only takes up around 27 percent of my daily tasks,

If people would just…stop being complicated…I could respect simplicity, but people aren’t simple and I think endless disrespect humanity is disrespectful.

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White

She showed me a video of a deranged artist,

She asked me if that was a fate I wanted to meet,

I politely declined,

We were unsure if he was losing his soul or losing his mind,

The anxiety of imperfection taxed his fragile fingers and he shook in fear,

I told her of my mercurial methods of avoidance and repeated to ensure my message rung clear.

 

His floor teemed with splattered canvases thrown in his fits,

The would chop his palette in attempt to mix his expectations with truth,

The board would bleed red like a severed tooth…

From the head,

He would glare and expect,

He would stand from his office chair to reflect,

On his mistakes,

He would grip the edge of his office table to stop his hand from shak-

ing,

He would bring, he would offer new color to the mix,

and repeat.
She told me that that kingdom had no king,

That I must unite my thoughts to concentrate them into a bullet to fire into the standing wall of my indecision,

Which drove my implacable thrust for meaningless variety,

Lest I’ll find my lesser self smashing colors into one another.

 

I guess she was talking about focus married with dedication in a manner impervious to external influences,

Such as those heinous devices garbed in petite structures,

Those snakes waiting to snap,

A defense against the dangerous few…

…unfortunately those sick folk captured my interest in which I demonstrated in blue and red,

Which I mixed with my expectations for their betterment,

gray,

Despite my whole heart,

They remained in holes.

 

Maybe my expectations are actually yellow,

Or wait no probably orange,

Or maybe white…

Yeah white.

 

4 Days

Your suspension of belief,

Bring it,

I need no interference,

I can’t think,

With the gods staring down my back-

As I chisel a simple motif,

Into the dim lit-

Corridor who’s face shall shrink,

Once the entire setting goes black.

We need to walk again

Without ridicule,

Into the chest of your devil,

To subdue the pending threat-

You speak highly of.

I promise we are safe,

He cannot hear you here for he cannot reflect within himself,

We are his conscious now,

Let us steer the beast.

Beware,

His demise, is your demise,

And your demise, is my demise,

So be light with your touch and pray we do not become the monster you hate.

Day 1.

I can hear his victim’s cries,

I can see the smirk, in the mirror, to which he sports,

Like a new do of sorts,

Staring his crush in her eyes,

He is not clean.

Day 2.

We fear to feed,

On his innards,

For we will truly be one,

We cannot munch on something he needs,

For all of true progress would be for none,

We must starve.

Day 3.

He hears us,

His breath hath changed,

She prays to gods,

I forget their names,

He is heartbreak,

And he is untamed,

He is unclean,

He is unashamed,

He is always new,

And never the same,

He is heartbreak,

I believe I’ve found his name.

Final Day.

His halls are black,

I cannot see, we cannot see,

The soul light lacks,

I cannot recognize myself you see, not at all in fact,

We are weak and broken, he is all intact,

She became him,

I became me,

…We cannot go back,

He stands tall and spits me out,

They become one,

He begins to sprout-

A new head from her scorn,

A new monster newborn,

—-

I guess I’ve seemed to escape…

From what we all can relate.

 

 

Petty Crime

She opens up like a gun shot wound anytime she’s the one to blame,

She prattles like a convict trying to escape her truth,

Anything less than our belief will cause her to shoot,

Clips of doubt in our minds to have us question what’s true.

She’s a dauntless fugitive unaware of her crime,

Three years on death row with absolutely no clue.

She never stopped to ask,

She only speaks to counter what ever reality passed,

She wants to be the contradiction to the system,

She wants to be the criminal til grave.

Untouch

I have inadvertently given quiet refuge to the forbidden desires of a pure soul,

I have catalyzed the corruption by caution-less acrobats,

With electric hands and a caring heart-

She now resembles both the main antagonist and protagonist of my fairy tale-

I tell to myself every night before I rest to ensure sleep,

I am starting to notice that the rotting could run deep-

Into her mentality,

And deeper into her personality,

Which would neutralize those electric hands and numb that caring heart,

Her disagreeable complex would rebuke her individuality and spoil rotten her image,

She would be unknowingly a herald of normalcy,

A feverous heretic to my cause,

I would lose her to the melting pot of low youth living he high life in the middle of insecurity and ignorance.

 

I would close my doors to her black touch and reset the nature of my shelter.

 

Dream 2

Smoke filled the area of my room,
She appeared in white garbs,
She fell sickly into my arms biting her tongue on the collapse,
She bulged her eyes with heavy tears that weighed down my chest,
I stared into her brown eyes and caught the storm in soul,
I reached inside her ribs to grab the pain from her breast and held remarkably tight,
My knee kept behind her head,
I took my hands from her pain and wrapped my arms her,
And held softly,
Her brown skin combusted into tan dust,
I scooped in my palms trying to capture her remains,
Instantly my life changed,
Instantly my fight changed,
Changed from fighting for her into fighting to stay sane,
Her storm moved to me,
My bones rained the water of her memories that remain plastered on my forehead and constantly sitting on my brain.
I have lost her again.

Dream 2.

If I Could

…grant her access to my mind with a roadmap of what rooms not to open-

I would pick her up by her perfect waist and place her at my doorway,

I would swear to my god that her experience would end in accord after her exclaiming me a prophet,

There would no longer need a reason to speak,

I would no longer have to give her a sneak peak through the window in the foyer,

Her body would bow, we would grow, and her heart would finally genuinely know,

What I mean by unconditional.

 

She would find her solution hanging from the fixtures,

She would see the potential of her future in the pictures,

She would be able to recognize the scent in the home,

And never ever have to question the reason why I fear being alone.

She would probably laugh at the clutter of yesterday’s expectations-

While running through the hallway in a fit of desperation to find my final declaration…the reason.

 

I feel she would search for weeks,

Body broken and heels weak,

Starring at her surroundings until she reaches a mirror and falls to her knees,

She, the reason, controls the pictures on the walls,

Controls the smell of the home,

Controls the complex fear of being alone,

With three simple words.

 

We would exit in peace fingers braided,

With forever a possibility again.