Infection

I do not think I am prepared for an easy resolution,

I connect problems with complication,

I’ve come to learn that my overactive imagination creates numerous faulty half-assed solutions.

It’s simply misunderstood situations disguised as gut-wrenching plights having me staring at the jet black ceiling in the middle of the night-

Instead of sleeping,

Sometimes I can feel my irrational thoughts creeping up the side of my leg,

And digging holes in my not so whole bed,

I’ll lay on cottage cheese and wake up incomplete,

With the dumbass feeling of unfounded contrition for made up expectations I couldn’t meet.

 

I will wake and stare in the mirror counting the loose strands of my beard to get my mind off the issue,

I would then start picking at the hair, it would bleed a little but somehow get blood everywhere and then I’ll clean it up with toilet tissue,

If you’ve ever cleaned blood from white it does this smear thing that turns the sink pink,

but I left it and carried my virus to work in hopes of infecting my peers with this undefined thinking disease,

The “I can’t stop rapidly blinking disease”,

Like photo copying textbook pages of anxiety with every blink,

I will lasso my peers front heir high horses and they will crumble on the ground,

As I explain my dilemma and watch their smiles contort into frowns,

I am granting them fog and gifting them with confusion about hypothetical problems that technically don’t exist,

I give them a little kiss on their cheeks and send them on their way,

With life-siphoning information that’ll suck the joy right outta their day.

 

I am not required to ask for forgiveness for my actions,

Or their reactions to the stimulus,

I have a criminal’s mind plagued with paranoia and expectations of forever failure…when in fact, failure only takes up around 27 percent of my daily tasks,

If people would just…stop being complicated…I could respect simplicity, but people aren’t simple and I think endless disrespect humanity is disrespectful.

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Untouch

I have inadvertently given quiet refuge to the forbidden desires of a pure soul,

I have catalyzed the corruption by caution-less acrobats,

With electric hands and a caring heart-

She now resembles both the main antagonist and protagonist of my fairy tale-

I tell to myself every night before I rest to ensure sleep,

I am starting to notice that the rotting could run deep-

Into her mentality,

And deeper into her personality,

Which would neutralize those electric hands and numb that caring heart,

Her disagreeable complex would rebuke her individuality and spoil rotten her image,

She would be unknowingly a herald of normalcy,

A feverous heretic to my cause,

I would lose her to the melting pot of low youth living he high life in the middle of insecurity and ignorance.

 

I would close my doors to her black touch and reset the nature of my shelter.

 

New Age

While this society was a direct opposite of a younger society that stood from its strength not shook from it’s fragility and indecision, there are proponents that argue that this generation is the second beginning of creation. Information is readily assessable via various handheld devices, curiosity is aplenty and the youth find intrigue with the aberrant course. I believe it is on this path that creation is found and revolutionary phenomena is discovered along the unscathed roads of nascent enlightenment. I believe the complexity of this pursuit almost always ensues peril and is unbecoming of the frail seekers searching for only recognition with discovery. I believe passion is married with any true monumental discovery and one’s desire to aid others by advancing the world. We fail in social interactions and falter under the pressure of frivolous discourse but capitalize on the access that we’ve been blessed with. A question no longer lingers for decades, ignorance no longer has refuge, and finally the origin of facts can be pronounced on any basis of any honorable argument. What a time to be alive.

Dream 2

Smoke filled the area of my room,
She appeared in white garbs,
She fell sickly into my arms biting her tongue on the collapse,
She bulged her eyes with heavy tears that weighed down my chest,
I stared into her brown eyes and caught the storm in soul,
I reached inside her ribs to grab the pain from her breast and held remarkably tight,
My knee kept behind her head,
I took my hands from her pain and wrapped my arms her,
And held softly,
Her brown skin combusted into tan dust,
I scooped in my palms trying to capture her remains,
Instantly my life changed,
Instantly my fight changed,
Changed from fighting for her into fighting to stay sane,
Her storm moved to me,
My bones rained the water of her memories that remain plastered on my forehead and constantly sitting on my brain.
I have lost her again.

Dream 2.

To Be Treated

You look trapped in your pictures,

You cannot exceed the frame,

He grips your side with a smirk,

You look down smiling at the dirt,

Let’s be honest, it’s obvious you’re hurt,

It’s obvious that what goes on at home must not be seen at church,

He’s obviously abusive,

And there’s a reason why he wants to keep your relationship completely exclusive.

 

You have like 2 friends, your two older sisters,

And when you need something, both of their responses couldn’t be swifter,

But you never say you need anything,

Even though you’re hungry for validation,

You need no other external influence to bring you to the realization-,

That his love is blisters,

He gets jealous when you talk to men at work…

 

Transactional communication coated with copious aggression,

He always has to teach you something to make sure you learn your lesson,

At least three punches a night,

Not a fight,

Because you never hit back,

You just wait for him to finish and you apologize for the slack,

Your face is perfect,

Too perfect,

Mounds of makeup,

Smile is overexerted.

Stories you gotta make up,

Wearing foundation at the gym,

A relationship polluted with glum and grim-

Representations of control,

The society advises you to step off the battlefield before the battlefield takes its irreparable toll,

You’re a glutton for pain, so of course you’ll stay,

He’ll eventually snap one day,

And crush your head on the wall,

Your sisters would be at your funeral crying at your call-

To not speak to your family about the throes of your fall,

He would run away…well crawl-

Into a hole to evade the police,

Your body would be left on the bloody floor with your name still on the lease,

Just because no one taught you how men should treat.

 

Flame

He’s embarrassed she can’t leave the room silently,
He asks her where the fire is,
She says” in you”,
She’s kindles the burn by spitting gasoline on his chest,
She says he’s too hot to touch,
He says not yet,
She says “you need to chill”,
He’s says “I’m soaking wet”,
She yells “you gotta chill”
He says ‘I’ll try my best”,
The door slams and he grabs a fork,
He stabbed into-
Unroasted pork,
He risks for fun,
She spits for sport,
They crash and burn,
His coddled flame,
In the end…
He’s still to blame?

Sound

The champion ghost,
Up close,
I couldn’t see her,
She thirsted,
I refused to feed her.

I extended my hand through her hollow chest,
The moisture of her atmosphere stung at best,
The old poison I couldn’t breath,
Produced from the heart I wouldn’t feed,
Produced from the heart I often need,
To replenish my daily desire to grieve,
Her condition from my own inaction,
I keep reaching inside her spirit to grab a reaction,
She wouldn’t move,
I searched for her better,
She wouldn’t improve,
Petrified just stand and stare,
And focus on how we’re getting each other no where.

I recessed, and matched her frequency,
I noticed she hasn’t been saying much recently,
I figured the cat had her tongue,
Or I’ve bent her energy until she had none,
I waited,
And watched-
A word trickle down her lip, and stopped,
Before it hit,
The ground,
The awful sound,
Of shattered speech,
Right by her feet,
It harmed my ears,
It harmed the peace,
Unquiet decrease-
Of her and me,
Day in day out,
I need to shout,
She’d break like glass,
She takes a gasp,
Of air at last,
The storm has passed,
The awful point,
The awful past…
Finally…sound.