Plague

I had a dream that I lost her,

The light left and I was forced to rekindle my flame in this new darkness,

I had a dream that I saw her, bewildered and heartless,

We had to be stuck in the same cage,

Because I could feel her breath on my shoulder,

The breath began to go colder and her eyes began to glow bright red,

She was trying to wake the dead-

Feeling of abandonment but bred injustice instead,

She was between two nexuses I didn’t care about,

I began to shout-

In the dark,

Trying to keep my spark,

From being consumed by her stark-

Attempts to swallow me whole.

 

I woke up,

To the bells of my alarm clock,

Completely sweaty, completely still in shock,

I could not believe,

That another person convinced me I didn’t need to breath,

That another person made my wants feel like my needs,

I couldn’t believe,

That I would be force-fed an understanding I simply could not conceive,

A plight of reality of knowledge,

A pain held on my ribs,

I got up to work…

Getting dressed with my eyes closed…

 

Dirty Strings

The blight in those fearless eyes,

Cutting blooms from plants,

And love from romance.

 

The blight in those fearless eyes,

Giving rot to my precious,

While gripping close to her heart.

 

Dare her to dance on the strings pulled by fingers,

The overbearing over-blaring opera singer-

Of her present,

Decide to build her future for her,

Give no regard to the desires of the subject.

 

She is family,

The closest there is,

The only there is,

But she is not theirs,

And she is not his,

She is herself,

Owned by her actions,

Forgotten by her inactions,

She is precise,

And has been given her rightful opportunity to build her own life,

She’s been guilted twice,

By the edicts of puppet masters making sure she doesn’t still the show; keeping her alike.

 

If she wields her feet to step, they shall,

If she wields her sleep to slept, it shall,

The power of breaking from the shell,

Of her elders’ shadows.

 

Precious Spring bloom,

Not arid, not trite,

Never taken by the blight,

Of their fearless eyes.

 

I promise the pressure will be a prospect of the past,

Just step.

 

Sound

The champion ghost,
Up close,
I couldn’t see her,
She thirsted,
I refused to feed her.

I extended my hand through her hollow chest,
The moisture of her atmosphere stung at best,
The old poison I couldn’t breath,
Produced from the heart I wouldn’t feed,
Produced from the heart I often need,
To replenish my daily desire to grieve,
Her condition from my own inaction,
I keep reaching inside her spirit to grab a reaction,
She wouldn’t move,
I searched for her better,
She wouldn’t improve,
Petrified just stand and stare,
And focus on how we’re getting each other no where.

I recessed, and matched her frequency,
I noticed she hasn’t been saying much recently,
I figured the cat had her tongue,
Or I’ve bent her energy until she had none,
I waited,
And watched-
A word trickle down her lip, and stopped,
Before it hit,
The ground,
The awful sound,
Of shattered speech,
Right by her feet,
It harmed my ears,
It harmed the peace,
Unquiet decrease-
Of her and me,
Day in day out,
I need to shout,
She’d break like glass,
She takes a gasp,
Of air at last,
The storm has passed,
The awful point,
The awful past…
Finally…sound.

Forever

The ties to my devil,
Severed at every level,
I repent for gloating,
I abstain from hoping,
Too hard in triumphant day,
While my demons still remain in way,
Of what is to come,
I am not yet numb,
But healing.

I force my paces unset,
From paths I haven’t walked yet,
But seen with watery eyes,
I have broken the habit of questioning to what I know I’ve been tied,
Not until now have I tried,
To actually look beyond my burning grounds and old skies,
I have slowly halted the perpetual, one word at a time.

Now I stand along the edges of commitment to a better woman,
More complete,
Not tempted to compete –
With outstanding facts contradicting her emotion,
I stand by a more beautiful commotion,
A more final devotion,
To irrefutable evidence of betterment,
…Forever.

Zap

She,
Touching deeper than my skin,
Below calluses and thick,
Reaching for that one wicked mix of scorn and doubt,
To be crushed in her palms,
End the drought,
Break the dam, create the calm,
Make me shout!…

From their gentle tips,
Give tranquility and peace,
To the strips of me that fall to her little feet,
And when I am full, she provides me with supple joy to eat,
Along with meat-
Of certainty and we-
Unfold,
And I,
Weep in sight of her pure soul.

With Decision

I don’t want to be the reason she dies,
I would not be able to live with myself,
Two innocent souls, one transgression,
No, not again.

Vibrantly violent what I beheld,
What pain struck my chest,
What pain struck her chest,
It struck her worse,
It struck me best,
Relentlessly forced me to express-
My guilt for my actions impure…
While still unsure my complete intentions,
These actions, extensions-
Of what my subconscious would not release peacefully,
And as the mountain of disdain increased speedily,
I collapsed beneath its weight,
I broke her, and that is when I knew I could break,
Cold and still beyond the night,
Bursting into day,
My worries would come to stay,
Drag me to reality, and demand me to display-
My worst.

I would rue the next night’s coming,
Heart pounding outside my ribs,
To know I wouldn’t sleep,
Openly burdened by tribulations I couldn’t speak,
Dedicated self-hatred slander and slurs I couldn’t peep,
I would be the epitome of self-defeat,
Again,
Which means once I rose,
From the heaps of her I tried to dispose,
At a new nexus now with a decision only God knows.

Cemetery Girl

Busy of late,
Running towards,
In the dark, who fate,
Chooses to intimidate…
Eliminate,
The cold cemetery girl bewitched by the dead of night,
Twist and turn under the moonlight’s burn,
Again and again.

With each step,
I do not forget
My reasons to greet death,
With open arms,
Her unholy frozen charm,
Keeps me running.

The purest thing I know,
Her essence gives darkness to my negative space,
Beating frantically what is not,
Finally cloaking what I should not see,
In…and outside of me,
My sweet pea, my darling.

She’s always quiet when she speaks,
I always convince myself that she’s dying when she sleeps,
She implores I do not do that…,
It will bring unwanted stress to my already feeble bones,
My love frightens me when she’s still like, cold like stone,
I believe her home she’s outgrown,
I ask her to come with me,
Follow me back,
She hesitantly silently agrees,
She jumps on my back,
Latches on my shoulders while keeping herself intact,
We arrive at my home,
And plague the people I live with, selfish and unknown,
Breaking the skeleton of my mother’s own throne,
Bashing and beating,
Maiming and mistreating,
She speaks up now,
Loud and screaming,
Providing me with meaning-
To my actions seemingly violent by the minds I’ve set free,
Let them be dead, like her…and me,
Cemetery girl, utterly free,
She smiles…and winks,
I think,
I thinks,
She blinks.